The word slut is one that has followed femme-identified individuals throughout their lives. I can remember it as early as sixth grade in my science classroom, overhearing boys talking about what a “slut” particular classmate was. This word has been a constant presence in my life, but delving into the word’s origin, and specific criteria for being considered a slut has been largely absent.
When I think of the word slut, I think of a memory I have of my early days in college. I was 18 years old and eating breakfast in the dining hall with a boy I had just started dating (we were sexually active) and some of his friends. The name of a particular girl came up, and he said “that girl is such a slut.” I asked him what he meant when he said that, I wanted to know his logic for labeling her as such. He responded with a defensive tone and shamed me for having the audacity to ask such a ridiculous question. He refused to give me a straightforward answer as to what exactly constituted a “slut”...and I was too smitten to push the subject any further.
When I reflect on that interaction, it is very clear to me that he had never in his life considered what it means to be a slut, he just regarded the word as a normal way to describe (and judge) a woman on her sexual behavior.
Over the years, I have continued to experience similar situations when I hear the word in a derogatory context and have challenged people on their definition. I seem to always be met with the same non-answers that circulated in college. The general opinion seems to believe that a woman is defined a slut based on her number of sexual partners, with no general consensus on what that exact number is. Who and/or what determines the point at which a woman crosses the threshold from modest and respectable?
We (particularly femme-identified individuals) are conditioned to cringe at the word slut; although I have noticed that more ownership is starting to take place, especially for those who take the word with a grain of salt, and use it as a term of endearment.
We grow up feeling the need to be cautious with who and how often we open up sexually in order to avoid the demeaning label. We are never told how many partners are ‘too many’, but grow up with the concept that “good girls” are allowed to enjoy sex just not with too many partners. I don’t expect the use of the word slut will die out any time soon, but I do believe that if we are going to use the word, whether its in the context of a joke or to be a sexist asshole, we should have a broader understanding of what it means and the impact it has on the decisions people make with their bodies.
The Oxford English dictionary has two definitions for the word slut. The derogatory definition is “a woman who has many casual sex partners”. The second definition, under the category Dated, is: “a woman with low standards of cleanliness”.
Upon further research, I have found that the word has quite the complex history, and for hundreds of years has evolved in terms of its definition. Although the meaning itself has been fluid throughout history, it has largely remained a word used to describe women. As early as the 1380s, poet and author Geoffrey Chaucer used the word sluttish to describe a disheveled man in short story anthology, The Canterbury Tales. In 1402 the Middle English word slutte referred to “a dirty, untidy or slovenly woman”. By 1450, the word had evolved to take on more than one meaning. Slut meant a ‘kitchen maid’, a prostitute, harlot, or a woman without morals. In the 18th century the term “slut’s pennies” was used to describe knots of dough in bread. By the 19th century the word was used to refer to a female dog. Slut as means of describing a woman’s sexual behavior as opposed to her hygiene appears to be a modern phenomenon. When you take a moment to consider the drastic fluidity of the word slut over the course its history, its easy to give it much less credibility and power.
I have lived a fortunate life in the sense that in my circle of friends, “slut” is exclusively used in an endearing context. The only time I have had the word used against me by someone I loved was when I broke up with a partner of three years. He wanted to hurt me as much as I hurt him, and thought that attacking my sexual behavior was an effective form of punishment. It seemed that if he couldn't have sex with me anymore, he should do everything in his power to make me feel guilt and shame about my sexuality. Looking back on that time, I wish I had done more to advocate and stand up for myself. I did, however, tell him that there’s no such thing as a "slut" and that it was just a derogatory term used by men to police women’s sex lives. I told him he had no right to consider himself a feminist if he’s going to use the word “slut” in a degrading way. My words seemed to fall on deaf ears, but culturally speaking, isn't that most often the case?
Way back in pre-school we are told “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to understand what utter bullshit that phrase is. Words have the power to creep under your skin and haunt you in ways nothing else can. Yes, we do have some power over the ways we react to how people treat us verbally, but generally we do not have control over our feelings when words cut like a knife. There is nothing wrong with being hurt by words people use against you. It does not make you weak.
One of my favorite sex podcasts, “Sluts and Scholars” (an example of people who have reclaimed the word in an empowered way) features an episode of a conversation with a working dancer, Caroline Blaike. In this episode, Blaike says she views miscellaneous attempts at slut shaming her to be “hilarious” because they do not impact her at all. She is secure in the choices she makes with her body; no one will ever make her question those choices. We should continue to be resilient in adapting this attitude towards sexuality. If someone uses the word to degrade someone's character, I encourage you to straight up ask them how they define it. I am almost positive that no one will have a straightforward answer.
The concept of a “slut” in the derogatory sense is not real, unless we allow it to be. Using any word to tear down and control anyone’s sex lives hinders our progress as individuals, and as a society. If we desire a sex-positive society, the outlook on words that aim to judge anyone need to be examined, while leaving the choices a man makes with his body unscathed.
"You can't take the word out of the hands of the oppressors, but you can deflate and pervert the meaning they desperately wish to hold on to." -Kristen Sollee, Slutist